Empathy in Birth

That seven letter word, EMPATHY, has been ringing in my mind lately. I am being challenged with how to use it in my personal life, and have reflected on how it can be used when it comes to birth. The word “empathy” means to think about something from someone else’s perspective. Daniel Tiger says it best when he explains that empathy is when we, “think a-bout how someone else is feel-ing” (excuse me for pulling this chant from my mommy brain). Empathy is not to be confused with “sympathy,” which means to feel sorry for someone. People do not want others to feel sorry for them, and we certainly do not appreciate it when others make judgments about what THEY think we should do. We all want to be listened to, validated for our feelings and concerns, and have others understand why we make the choices we do, even if there are other options or opinions available.
 
Often times in life we may hear various birth stories and may be tempted to judge their experience from OUR lens, rather than THEIRS. 

A Homebirth Story
We may hear of a mother choosing a homebirth, and think “Why on earth would she do THAT? That is old fashioned, and births should really be done at a hospital!” When she may be thinking of a previous negative experience she had in the hospital and wants a different experience for this birth. Maybe she even desires to have a water birth and feels that her home can accommodate those needs, or she may feel more relaxation or freedoms in her home rather than another setting.

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An Induction Birth Story
What about the mother who chooses other methods to encourage labor, rather than continuing to wait for labor to begin on it's own? Some may hear of this and be tempted to ponder, “Well THAT is not a natural way to give birth and all inductions are BAD.” When she may be dealing with health or other personal concerns, and there are greater benefits for her, or even her baby, to go ahead and encourage the labor process a little quicker.

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A Natural Hospital Birth Story
Then you may have a mother who desires to have a natural birth, but in a hospital setting. Some may be tempted to think, “Good luck with that. You will be more tempted to choose interventions that may change your birth plan.” When she may be thinking that she feels more comfortable giving birth in a hospital setting, and is ready and prepared with comfort measures and support to help her in her personal goals.

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A VBAC or Cesarean Birth Story
A final situation may involve mothers who are trying to weigh their options of VBAC vs repeat cesarean. One mother may decide to try for VBAC, despite the opinions of others who may think that is “unsafe and too risky.” Possibly this mother may feel that she is a good candidate for this attempt and feels educated on ways to increase her chances of a successful vaginal delivery through support and resources from her care provider and birth team. Maybe she even feels that her first cesarean was unnecessary and wants to exhaust all her options before agreeing to another surgery…For a different mother in this same situation, she may choose to go ahead and schedule a cesarean. An opposing perspective may yield thoughts like, “Why would you choose another surgery, when you could at least just TRY to have your baby vaginally first?” When she may be thinking that although many women VBAC and are perfectly safe, maybe she has various health concerns that make her uncomfortable, or maybe she or her baby had a bad experience from a previous attempted vaginal birth and she cannot fathom going through that again. Both perspectives deserve validation and support!

​There are many different birth scenarios that could be analyzed, but the point is the same in all of them: Empathy is key! I admit that I have not always been the most empathetic person, but through circumstances in my personal life and now work as a doula, this topic has been on my heart. My business motto of “Your birth…Your moment” is my golden reminder that when I enter into a birth experience with a mother, it is not about me, and what I would do…but about her feelings, her choices, and her experience of satisfaction! May we all keep this in mind when we encounter someone who makes different choices than us. We truly need more empathy in our world!

​What areas of birth are YOU deciding on right now? Are YOU receiving empathetic responses from your family, friends, doula, or care provider about your birth plans or your birth experience? What areas of YOUR life do you wish to receive more empathy on from others?